


Soldiers

by nah_she_didnt



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, F/M, James Potter/Lily Evans - Freeform, Marauders era, first wizarding war
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-19
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-16 01:01:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,333
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29567892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nah_she_didnt/pseuds/nah_she_didnt
Summary: It's not easy being a teenage soldier.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter
Comments: 2
Kudos: 13





	Soldiers

“Stop looking at me.” 

“Can’t help it. You look cute when you’re sleepy.” 

James raised his head from his arms, hair mussed from his attempts to nap. “Not cute. Rugged. Dangerous. Alarmingly handsome.” 

Lily laughed and shook her head. “Nope. Sorry. You’re simply adorable.” 

James muttered grumpily to himself as he put his head back down. He and Lily were on their seventh hour in the library. Over the course of this obscenely long study session the table had become covered with textbooks and crumpled up bits of parchment. A few meters away a window stood ajar. They could hear the distant sounds of laughing and splashing about in the Black Lake as younger students took full advantage of the first sunny day in weeks. 

Lily groaned inwardly, then turned back to her books. There would be years and years for her to enjoy the sunshine after she passed her exams. 

James, however, took a different approach to his studies. He hadn’t lifted a single book in over an hour, and decided to amuse himself by either napping or blurting out every thought that popped into his head. Her patience had held so far, but she could feel herself getting more and more agitated. 

A few minutes later, James’ muffled voice broke Lily’s concentration once again. “What if I just decided not to graduate?”

If side-eye could kill. “I’m going to throw you out the window if you keep bothering me. I’ve read this sentence four times and I’ll be damned if I have to read it again.” 

“Alright, alright,” James scowled.

Lily sighed and set down her book. “If you want to go, then go!” 

“No way,” James spoke once again into his arms, “if I leave now, then fail my exams, I’ll spend the rest of my life wondering, what if I had just stayed in the library with my beautiful girlfriend? What then?” 

“Solid logic.” 

“I thought so too, thanks.” 

“James.” 

Sirius had sidled up to their table unnoticed. His face was gray and taught.

James sat up and ran a hand through his wild hair. “What’s up?” 

Sirius seemed determined to avoid Lily’s gaze. “I need to talk to you. Not here, come outside.” 

James glanced uneasily at Lily. “Erm, alright, let me just-” 

“Hang on,” Lily frowned, craning her head to try and force her way into Sirius’ line of sight. He looked away again. “What’s going on?” 

“Nothing.” Sirius’ voice had none of its usual playfulness, “Just need to talk to Prongs, that’s all.” 

Lily sat up straighter and squared her shoulders. “What, you can’t say it in front of me? Official Marauder business that you can’t trust me with?” 

Now Sirius looked at her. “You don’t want to know.” 

“Try me.” 

Sirius sighed and rubbed his eyes with the palms of his hands. “Alright,” he said resignedly, “come on.” 

She jumped to her feet, nearly spilling her jar of ink in the process. James, however, looked wearily between her and Sirius. Then, he got to his feet and followed them out of the library. 

The three of them made their way down the corridor, passing a group of gossiping fourth years and a fifth year Ravenclaw who looked like she might break down at any moment. The stress from exams must be getting to everyone, Lily thought as she eyed the back of Sirius’ head. That must be why he was acting so strange. 

They reached the end of the corridor and Sirius turned to face them, casting a silencing charm as he moved. He looked directly at James. 

“I talked to Reg.” 

James exhaled and crossed his arms. “And?” 

“We were right, they’ve joined up.” Sirius grimaced, “He couldn’t give me many details. I’m not sure if he didn’t want to talk or if he was worried about his boss reading his mind, but Reg doesn’t lie. Not about something like this.” 

James let out a sigh. “I’m so sorry, mate.” 

Sirius nodded. “It’s not just Reg. Avery and Snape too.” 

Lily felt her stomach drop. “Snape? You mean he’s- he hasn’t-” 

James reached for her hand. “I’m sorry, Lily. He’s been working with them for a while now.” 

Lily looked at James now. He seemed genuinely upset by Sirius’ news, but not at all surprised. 

“How do you know?” She asked the pair of them. They both shifted uncomfortably

“Well,” Sirius started, his voice sounding reluctant, “we’ve been keeping an eye on them. Dumbledore asked us-” 

“Dumbledore?” Lily snapped, “Dumbledore put you up to this?” 

“We volunteered,” James corrected quickly, shooting a glare at Sirius, “we told him that we always knew we’d join him after school, and we’re both of age, so-” 

“You were supposed to wait!” Her voice grew louder and higher with each word, but she didn’t care. She just hoped Sirius’ silencing charm could cover her tone. 

“Wait?” James’ eyes flashing, “Wait for what? Another attack? Another murder? What’s the point of school if we aren’t going to use what we’ve learned to fight back?” 

“The point,” Lily spat back at him, “is that you deserve a life. You deserve to be just a student for a little while longer. Dumbledore can’t take that away from you.” 

James laughed mirthlessly and threw his hands into the air. “Christ, Lil, I can’t believe you. I would’ve thought you’d support us.” 

“Don’t,” she pointed a finger in his face, “you dare accuse me of not supporting you wanting to fight, James. You know this isn’t about that. I’m going to fight the moment I leave this place, just like I’ve fought for the last seven years. You,” and she pointed at Sirius, who looked back alarmed, “and he have no idea what it’s like to be muggleborn. We fight every single day. So, don’t you dare tell me that I don’t support you fighting, because you’re not that stupid.”

Silence followed these last words. Sirius looked as if he would like very much to disappear into the floor just now.

James stared at Lily with an expression she had never seen on his face before. It was a mixture of disappointment and cold fury. “Right,” he said simply, “guess that settles that.” Then he turned on his heel and marched back up the hallway. 

Lily stood rooted to the spot, breathing heavily with the effort of delivering such a devastating blow to her boyfriend. Sirius shifted again. “I’m sorry-” 

“Oh, just go,” she spat at him. She couldn’t see him anymore through her watery eyes, “follow him. I know you’re just dying to comfort him.” 

“Lily,” Sirius said softly as he reached for her. He placed his hand on her shoulder, then slowly wrapped his arm around her until she fell against his chest, sobbing quietly. They stood like that for a long moment. His embrace was tight but reassuring. 

After a while, the damp spot on the top of her head told her that he was crying too. Crying for his brother, for Regulus, and for all the rest. 

\--

The wind whistled through his hair as he finished his third lap around the pitch. The first lap was always slow, deliberate, controlled. The second, he streaked past the stands in a blur of red and gold, but slowed down for the corners, practicing braking and turning until the movements became as natural as breathing. In the third lap, he let go completely. 

Today, however, James’ head was not in the practice. 

He cursed under his breath as he missed his mark below the third hoop on the south side. He’d slowed down too much to make the play as he’d planned. That sloppiness would never win him the championship match against Slytherin. 

He landed hard on the ground and chucked his broom away in frustration. He needed to concentrate. He needed to stop thinking about the betrayal in Lily’s voice or the way she’d flushed with fury. The way Sirius had stood there and refused to defend him. It was all so unfair. Didn’t she realize that he was only working with Dumbledore to keep her safe? Why couldn’t she believe that he was capable of greater things than straight O’s on his exams? 

Of course, she had been right, he was being stupid. Stupid to think she wouldn’t be furious with him when she learned of the danger he put himself into. Because that’s what it all came down to. She didn’t want to see him get hurt. 

James glanced toward the horizon. The sun had begun to go down now. It wasn’t safe to be alone in the dark these days. He bent down, picked up his broom (which, to his dismay, he had thrown right into a pile of muck), and walked back toward the castle. 

He wasn’t surprised at all to see Lily waiting for him in the Great Hall. 

A new wave of defiance swept through him, and he did not slow down to greet her.

“I need to talk to you.” Lily’s eyes were rimmed with red, as if she’d been crying. James felt his resolve weaken. He willed himself not to break in front of her. 

“‘Bout what?” he mumbled as he strode past her. She fell into step beside him, unphased by his brush off. 

“James, you can’t do this,” she huffed. 

James felt his face grow hot. “God, Lily, if you tell me one more time what I can and can’t do, I’m going to scream.” 

“You’re being an idiot.” 

James spun around to face her. “Idiot, am I? If I’m such a stupid idiot, as you so clearly believe, then why are you still here?! Go!”

Lily moved toward him until they stood only a few inches apart. She jabbed a finger into the middle of his chest. “Yes, you are being an idiot. You don’t know what you’re getting yourself into!” 

“Of course I do! I’m not going to sit around and watch Voldemort recruit a whole new army right while I waste my life in the fucking library.”

Lily looked around hurriedly. “Shut up, not here,” and she tugged on his arm to pull him behind a tapestry and into a hidden corridor. 

Once they were safely hidden from the hall, she rounded on him. “I’m not telling you not to go after them! I want you to burn every last one of them, and I’ll help you do it.” Her eyes were shining now with angry tears. “I’m saying you can’t do this,” she gestured between them, “shut me out like this. We’re partners, remember? Not to mention in two months we’ll be fighting a war together. If we’ve got any shot of making it out alive we’ve got to stick together.” 

James could feel the anger draining from him as she spoke. Her resolve steadied him. It was as if he saw her clearly for the first time in his life. 

He took both her hands in his and pressed his lips to her knuckles. “You’re right. Of course you’re right. I’m so sorry. I never wanted to go behind your back.” 

“Then why did you?” She wasn’t backing down. 

He exhaled deeply. “Because I thought… I dunno, I wanted to protect you from it all.” 

Lily rolled her eyes at this. “James, you can’t keep me out of danger. I’m fighting too, remember?”

“I didn’t want to protect you from danger,” he shifted, looking down at his feet to avoid her eyes. “When we got wind that Snape was involved...I didn’t want you to have to see what he’d turned into. I mean,” he laughed slightly, “I’ve hated him for years, it’s no skin off my back. But I know he was someone different to you. I knew you’d find out eventually, when we joined the Order properly, but I couldn’t bring myself to ruin your last memories of him while we were still in school.” 

James could hear Lily’s breathing slow. She still held his hands in hers, but her grip was softer now. Finally, she spoke. 

“I’ve known for years,” she said, barely above a whisper, “I’ve always known who he was. His pureblood mania, his jealousy of you and Sirius for your blood status, his little friends in Slytherin. I’m not stupid, I knew what it all meant. But I stayed anyway.” Her voice had begun to waver slightly, but she pressed on. “Calling me mudblood wasn’t the beginning of the end, it was the final straw.” 

He looked at her properly now. She looked much smaller than usual. 

He gripped her hands more tightly. “That’s not your fault. You were a little kid, you didn’t know he was bad for you.” 

She shook her head. “All the signs were there. I should have broken off from him a long time ago, but I couldn’t. I was weak.” 

“Weak?” he laughed and drew her into his chest. “Lily,” he breathed into her hair, “as long as I’ve known you, you’ve never been weak a day in your life. Trusting someone is not a sign of weakness, even if they don’t deserve it. Sometimes we just give ourselves to the wrong people.” 

She nodded against his quidditch robes. In a sudden moment of panic he realized that he must smell awful after his workout, but she didn’t seem to mind. She buried her face deeper into him and sighed. 

“You can’t lie like that ever again, alright?” 

“I know,” he murmured, stroking her hair, “I’m sorry.” 

She pulled back, wiping her eyes on her sleeve. “Good. And I’m sorry I called you an idiot. Although, I still think you should tell Dumbledore to shove off until we graduate. You’ve got a quidditch cup to train for, after all.” 

James grinned down at her. “And a girlfriend to shower with praise and admiration.” 

“Oh, I don’t think that will be a problem,” and with a wink, she tugged the front of his robes until he pressed her between the stones of the corridor wall.


End file.
